This is the week we move our folks into their new home, a retirement community with assisted living stepped up services.
I’ve found a company to coordinate the packing PRAISE THE LORD. I spoke to mom last night and she was happy but cautious about the whole thing. She is growing more paranoid and am grateful I stepped out from direct contact w/ anyone regarding the packing and moving.
I meet this afternoon with the director who coordinates intake and then more paperwork at home.
My mind is filled with thoughts of other friends who are having physical and mental health issues, as well as our kids who are contemplating buying homes in one of the most expensive markets in the country. One daughter’s cat is not well.
Then there is me.
I could easily get caught up in the lives of others as I so often have. I have the amazing ability to get distracted by projects that have good outcomes but leave me feeling spiritually empty.
What do I still need to be focusing on?
My career over everything else. My spirituality and physical health before that. Not letting go of these important things. Keeping them from and center.
The living room is full of bright light from the spring sun. I need it today.
Words spoken by one sister about another last night in a conversation:
Me: You’re a great sister
El: I HAVE a great sister. That makes it easy
I love my kids.
*****
I found myself worrying about the kids today. It’s taking an effort to return them to their own journeys, pray, ask myself if I can do anything and let them go.
I had a good meeting w/ the directors today at the facility including the Director of Nursing which I wasn’t planning on. I just wanted to meet her and review mom’s meds and what would be onboard as she arrives. It worked out really well to see everyone and make big decisions regarding this final step.
That combined w/ acupuncture, I just am wasted. The toll I guess continues to rumble through my life, but reducing time spent with everyone has helped a lot. It was one of the best things I ever did last week, to stand up for myself and say I’m not going to be involved in the move, limit contact. I feel lighter, I feel happier, I feel better. It was a decision for myself and my life w/ Jay and our family, and not always putting my mom above all else.
So I guess I’m tired and ready to hit the hay sooner than later. Kind of unusual for me.
*****
Finally today was KT’s bday. I sent some photos by text to everyone and also some flowers. Sometimes I still have twinges of wondering if I’m doing a good job at being a parent, mainly feeling like I can be too needy and unsure. Those moments are fewer and far between but still there.
I hope with less time w/ my parents, maybe my confidence will build. It is hard to be around people too much that don’t let you feel safe. That has impacted my ability to be present w/ my own family.
I think we did a good job on her bday overall and more to come as we celebrate in Seattle in May.