Too much stress.
Just too much.
We’re having a sales training week w/ our new sales staff and our one outside sales guy. I just had to leave this afternoon.
I’m learning a lot about myself and learning to accept who I am more. I’ve been living in a situation that isn’t me. It means I wouldn’t have probably started a business and had the experiences I’ve had. It also means I’ve had too much of it.
I’m not mad at Jay; I’m just exhausted. I’ve been at work full time all week and it’s all this new training with not enough time or resources. Sort of the scene the last 20+ years.
I don’t want to get angry. I do want to protect myself more.
I feel it’s a lot for people to absorb but I can’t protect them.
I worry about employees that are stretched too thin. I’m worried about Jay and he continues to do too much and have so much on his plate that it’s just insane.
He doesn’t want it to continue like this and I believe him. It’s exhausting for both of us but his life is insane in terms of the responsibility and the pressure.
So I’m trying to have a meltdown without the anger and some clarity about myself and my life w/o being jealous of so many other people I know that have a series shitload of fun, are more relaxed, less stressed.
In the US, just making a living is hard. our safety nets aren’t that great so you have to have a good job. I know I’ve erred on that side though.
Jay is shooting to get a few big deals to close so he has the resources to do more hiring. Until then, everyone is doing too many things, mostly him.
He’s doing this because we’ve put this much in and he doesn’t want to quit. He doesn’t want to do a fire sale. I’m trying to help and see if we can pull it off. This week is just too much for me. I need to not get angry, not get negative, not attack. But I do need to pull out and just do some kind of minimal amount, not much more. I have to protect myself and I’m doing better listening to myself when I’m not angry.
I have to slowly keep working on my own goals, and I’m slowly starting to carve out time each day to make that happen. I just need a break from this pace and a sense it won’t all fall apart.