A busy day of work and being a nanny for my friends that I’m staying with. I’m glad I stuck around to help them out and also enjoy their company and the ocean.
My friends work hard to do what’s best for their daughter and to enjoy their life together.
There are things at work that continue to cause me grief and anxiety. For some reason today, I found the tasks that piled up onto a Monday triggering. I felt the need to get super involved and help and fix things. I felt frustrated that things aren’t calmer at work. I felt angry at the staff and some at Jay though I couldn’t pinpoint why.
I’d been wanting all day to be in the ocean, not just walk by the ocean, but it hadn’t worked out.
Finally after dinner, I just said I’m going down to the water. I spent almost an hour body surfing. I know next to nothing about body surfing, but I keep watching people and learning.
Went out, came back in, went out, came back in.
The sun was setting just as I got there.
I spent 45 minutes in the water as the sun sank and then all the afterglow started.
The colors of the water and the sky together. Wow. More firsts for me this trip.
I thought alot about the anger and frustration I still seem to have in my body.
I started hitting the water.
I started slapping the water and punching it and slapping it and even grunting and yelling some.
I started expressing emotion and frustration.
I started letting things out in deep ways with the water.
I’ve never done anything like that either.
The release was amazing. It felt like I was dealing with something. When the waves came in, I wanted them to knock me down and then get back up.
I don’t know what this is all about, but I finally felt freed somehow when I finally left it all behind.
I started a poem tonight: Would I have seen the sunset without my anger?