You can’t win, but there are alternatives to fighting.
- Obi Wan Kenobi
I told my siblings today that I can’t help with the move of our parents. I talked to quite a few people about what to do and all of my options seem grim. I tell them I can’t help w/ the move and let them down. I don’t help w/ the move and feel guilt.
Strangely though, after sending the email I felt peaceful and no guilt. It’s just time to step back and let them step up. I don’t believe my brother can really help or engage beyond what he’s doing. I don’t think he knows how to handle stress. That’s not something I’ve considered before. If I take my mantras seriously, one being “Don’t take things personally”, his inability to be more engaged is just where he’s at. I can’t count on him, but I don’t need to be angry.
I also though am not going to keep taking care of everything.
I’m reading a book called “How to Fight” by Thich Nhat Hanh. It talks about suffering and alternatives to being angry and perpetuating anger when you’re hurt. It’s helped me focus on healing and protecting myself but also, not being angry to those not doing what would be ideal.
I sent the email off to my siblings and shortly, my step-sister replied asking if I’d be up to hire a moving company.
And that feels like an Easter moment right there during Holy Week.
I back off and have compassion for myself before others.
It allows space for others to step in and new ideas to be considered.
I don’t have to save everything, fix everything, take care of everything. Things can be going poorly for someone I care about, and I still don’t have to step in and fix it.
It is a new way of thinking and being, and it’s time.
In fact, I don’t think I can get on with my life or back to my life until I figure this out. I need to learn who I am and what I can and can’t do. I need to let things like this get out of my headspace.