We had a meeting w/ my parents at the doctor. It was so hard and intense. I so admire medical professionals. They have an amazing range of skills. I was just one of many patients our doctor saw that day. I’d have been ready for a coffee or a break after our visit.
My stepdad just blocked me, blocked the doctor. He told us to all be more laid back. Get along better. Talk more about things. He said this in response to my challenge to him about mom’s dementia.
I didn’t like how I was acting, but I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. Every turn I take, everything I’ve tried to do, there one of them is, denying or blocking things.
The doctor said things were pretty intense in the room. She said I had an aggressive posture because I was standing up, not sitting. I was indeed quite upset, and I let it show.
I started to cry, finally, out of exhaustion and frustration. Mom had to take a test and she failed. That meant her license got taken away. I went into the hall and cried again, talked to the doctor, apologized. At least the license got taken away.
I left the appointment, got in the car and went on a drive up to Mt. Spokane. I cried much of the way, great heaving sobs, dragon tears.
I was surprised and not expecting any of that.
I’m worn out. I’m tired of the fight. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of the grief at seeing my mom declining and a family blocking our ability to move her to a better home. I’m tired of fighting her. I’m tired of trying to intervene and do the right thing and no one has seen what I’ve seen.
Finally today, the doctor told me I need to move her. I have power of attorney and it has to be done.
I’m glad for that but I don’t want a fight. I don’t think I have it in me.
I need for this to improve once we get them someplace. I need it for my mom and for my sanity.